All I've been doing for the past twenty-four hours is sit around and sip flavored water, since it's the only thing I can just barely keep down. I am not at all sorry about missing work, but I'm afraid my stepmom's going to be pissed at me even though I'm sick because she's just an angry person. All I kind of want to do is lay around and game for the next thousand years, and I mentally and physically feel like crap.
SO THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR A FIC, LOLOL.
And one that's not Clack. GOOD GODDESS ABOVE.
One of these days I'll write a KH fic that doesn't involve this particular...fic, nyar har har.
And likewise, one day I'll get back to the twenty comments in my inbox
ANYWAY.
Title: Thirty Dates
Author:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
rainbowserenity
Written for:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
30_dates
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Pairing: Axel/Roxas
Theme: 2 - Café
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Squeenix owns my soul.
FF.net link
Summary: Café Twi was supposed to be nothing more than a fun place to hang out at. All Roxas wanted to do was run far, far away from it. Too bad Axel still has that no-ice-cream-or-else rule implanted. CURSES.
A/N: I take no responsibility for any brain implosions Roxas' father might cause. ;P
Thursday, July 5
There was seriously no point in keeping a flower shop open in the summer, Roxas thought with a sigh as he hosed some ferns. All plants did was attract bugs. Not that there were many bugs in a town like Twilight Town, but still. Roxas didn’t want anything crawling up his arm and maybe hatching something in his ear, like the spider in that one urban legend that always gave him nightmares.
He shook his head. His mind was even less into flower keeping than usual today. Something about the...date with Axel last night had messed with him, even more so than usual. It, like...made him unsure. Although as an average student, he was pretty unsure about most things, but one thing that had always made sense was that he hated Axel’s guts.
Why was it so hard for him to work up that hatred today?
Roxas frowned and grunted before chucking the hose he’d been carrying, narrowly missing some ceramic pots. It was probably just because he hadn’t seen the redhead yet, that was all. Axel usually pissed him off on sight. Once he saw him, all would be right in his dull little teenage boy world.
...Wait, did that mean he was actually looking forward to seeing Axel!? No way! His brain had betrayed him again!
With another grunt, Roxas made his way to the front of the shop, barely batting an eye when he saw Marluxia schmoozing with (or more likely flirting with) some male customer. Marly and said customer soon walked into the greenhouse out back talking about…flowers. Yeah. Probably. Because it was all about the freaking flowers.
Well, at least now with Marluxia out of the way, Roxas could goof off for a bit. He went to the computer and idly started a game of solitaire, hoping that just for once in his life, he could win. Usually he sucked horribly at default computer games. Let’s not even get into minesweeper. He was technically still supposed to be paying for this new monitor.
After ten minutes in which he was dangerously close to having to pay for another one, the happy-happy jingly little bell on the door tinkled, signaling someone had come in. Roxas hurriedly closed out solitaire and was met with bright green eyes inches from his face.
“GAHHHH!” he yelled, nearly toppling over backwards. “What the hell!? Are you a freaking ninja or something?”
Axel brightened. “I wish. That’d be awesome.” He randomly plunked a Styrofoam cup of...something on the counter. “For you.”
Roxas frowned, hesitant to touch it in case it had some sort of weird Axel germ that would stick the two of them together forever. Ew. “What is it?”
“A milkshake!” Axel grinned. “I said yesterday I’d bring you one, but Demyx called me before I left and I got distracted.”
“Oh yeah.” Roxas was still frowning. “So why’d you bring it now?”
“What, I’m not allowed to do something nice once in awhile?” Axel, in turn, was still grinning. Not that he wasn’t always grinning about Roxas, but something about his expression was more suspicious than normal. Although really, when it came to Axel, it was good think of everything he did as suspicious. “And I came to ask you if you wanted to go to Café Twi tonight. For our date, I mean.” Axel nudged the cup closer to Roxas. “Have you ever been there?”
“Yes,” Roxas replied with so much venom in his voice that it was amazing all of the flowers surrounding him didn’t immediately wilt and die at the word. Axel was about to ask what the hell was up with that when Roxas continued, “I’ll go, I guess. It’s not like I have a choice.” Besides, he was quickly finding out that trying to get out of these...dates only ended in more disaster. Maybe if he just rolled with it, the twenty-ninth would come faster.
“Great!” Axel grinned some more, that happy freak. “Now how about some shake?”
Roxas grabbed the cup and stared at it, like he was afraid it was going to jump up and eat him. He raised the straw to his lips. “What flavor is it?” Not that it mattered, of course, he was down with almost any kind of milkshake. Mmmmyes.
“...Paopu flavored.”
Roxas let out a scream that would’ve made Tarzan jealous and chucked the cup across the room with so much force that it was truly a wonder it hadn’t made a hole in the wall. Instead, the Styrofoam just bounced off of the wall with a thwack and the lid came off, spewing yellow all over a bunch of peonies.
“That got some distaaaance,” Axel said, whistling appreciatively.
The blond was not amused. “What the hell were you trying to do!?”
“I...didn’t think you knew the legend?” The redhead’s words sounded more like a question than anything.
“Of course I do! Everyone knows that stupid legend!” Roxas stomped across the store and turned on a hose, hoping to rinse away the milkshake goop before Marluxia came out here to see what all the fuss was about. “Get it through your stupid, thick skull that the last thing I want is for my destiny to intertwine with yours!”
Axel shrugged, looking unaffected as always. “It was worth a shot.”
Roxas wanted to blow out the freaking universe’s eardrums screaming!!! Instead, he calmly turned to face Axel and quickly put his thumb over the hose, turning it into a deadly spray of doom, and aimed it towards the redhead.
Axel put his hands up and tried to escape the water to no avail. “Roxas!” he cried, flailing around like the fruitcake he was. “S-Stop it! BLURRRRG!”
Oh, please. Like he was going to stop. Where was the fun in that?
...Well, until your boss came out from the greenhouse, looking more pissed off that he had, oh, three days ago at a certain young redhead.
“What the hell is going on here!?” Marluxia yelled. Roxas immediately stopped the hose and pointed at Axel.
“He did it.”
Marly snarled and turned to Axel, whose eyes had gotten so wide that it was amazing they hadn’t popped out of his head and rolled right on out the door like meatballs. Marluxia grabbed a ceramic pot and hurled it towards the redhead. “OUT OF MY STORE!” he yelled. The pot shattered at his feet with a deafening noise, and Roxas wondered for a moment what the harassment laws in Twilight Town were.
Wait – why was his brain once again automatically trying to defend Axel!? IT WAS AGAINST HIM! CONSPIRACY! He shook his head vigorously, trying to get the little pro-Axel being out of his brain and just looked at Marluxia, who was still yelling.
Axel finally got a clue – for once in his life – and hightailed it out of there. The two left in the flower shop just stared at the pieces of the broken pot for a moment before Marluxia got a broom and began to sweep. Roxas just stood there, looking as though steam was about to spew out of his ears at any moment.
Marluxia frowned. “What?”
“YOU FORGOT TO BAN HIM AGAIN!”
“...Crap!”
--
Roxas was still angry when he clocked out for the day, still angry when he got home, still angry when he ate half a bag of potato chips in front of the TV, and still angry when he put on some normal clothes for the...date tonight. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d suddenly been admitted into the dictionary for ‘ANGER’ at this rate. It would have a picture of him completely bald because he’d be tearing his hair out like mad. Maybe he could auction it off the internet. But then again, who would buy his hair?
He heaved a sigh like Hurricane Bob and slapped on his favorite checkered wristband. He hoped this night would go faster if he just went with it, considering he knew the patrons of Café Twi quite well. Maybe none of them would be working tonight and he could get out of there without any damage done to his brain.
...Yeah, and maybe that meteor would finally fall on Axel.
He trudged downstairs after he got dressed like he was going out for community service instead of a...date. Well, considering it was Axel, it pretty much was community service. The redhead had to be some kind of delinquent, with what having freaky tattoos on his freaky face and buying fireworks illegally and getting milkshakes splattered all over a store like brains in a zombie movie.
To his surprise, his mother was actually up and out of her Zen Den, puttering around the kitchen and making tea. She smiled a little at Roxas when he came into the room. “Have a date with your boyfriend tonight?”
Snap. The top of the wooden chair Roxas had been holding onto cracked under his fist of fury.
His mom stirred some sugar into her tea. “Oh, dear,” she said, not sounding the least bit concerned. “I liked that chair.”
“HE. IS. NOT. MY. BOYFRIEND.” And there was that anger, back tenfold.
“Just remember to wear a condom.”
“WHY WOULD I DO THAT!?”
She shrugged. “I like condom-free sex as much as the next person, but sometimes they’re necessary. And don’t forget, you can still get diseases during foreplay too – ”
“MOM!” Roxas yelled, breaking the top of the chair some more. That thing was just going to be a stool at this rate. “AXEL IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND! HE’S JUST AN IDIOT I’M FORCED TO BE AROUND FOR THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR DAYS! I HOPE HE FALLS INTO A GARBAGE DISPOSAL!”
His mom was still talking like the conversation was about the freaking weather. “Now, dear, I’m aware of the mechanics of lovemaking between two males, so if you need any help – ”
“AHHHH!” Roxas was ready for a full-fledged temper tantrum when the doorbell rang. He immediately raced for it since anything would be better than his mother’s ‘advice’, even if it was death at his door.
“Hey, Roxas!”
Or Axel. Close enough.
The blond’s shoulders slumped so much it was a wonder he didn’t fall over. “Axel.”
Axel was grinning like a loon, as usual. Honestly, when was he ever not looking completely creepy and stalker-y? “Ready to go?”
“No.” He turned to yell towards the general vicinity of the kitchen. “MOM! I’M LEAVING!”
She magically appeared – maybe she’d finally learned to teleport or levitate or whatever it was all that meditating she did was supposed to do – and smiled at the two of them. Roxas just frowned. Since when did his mom care about his...uh...social life?
“Oh? Where are you boys off to?” She sounded way too innocent, like she hadn’t been talking about buttsex only seconds before. Roxas shuddered.
“We’re off to Café Twi!” Axel said gaily (duh). He swung an arm around Roxas’ shoulders, who pushed it off like it was made of some kind of burning-poison-doom-thing.
“Café Twi?” She cocked her head at Roxas, looking a bit more confused than normal. “Are you sure, honey?”
“I kind of have to,” he muttered. If he denied Axel this date, he’d never hear the end of it. And it would be the end of ice cream. NOOOOO.
“But...”
“Yeah, anyway, we’ve gotta go, bye,” he said in one big rush, fleeing out the door. He didn’t want his mother to talk about penises in front of Axel, or the redhead might get some ideas involving lube and condoms and spit and oh geez, why was he even thinking this at all!?!
He heard Axel said goodbye to his mother and quickly catch up to him, unfortunately not running into any poles or getting hit by cars or stray baseballs. Nope, it was just Axel in all of his freaky glory, gaying up his life.
How weird. ‘Gay’ meant ‘happy’ and yet he was the poster child for ‘angry.’ Or maybe ‘pissed off blond kid that wanted this extra redheaded appendage to go the hell away and burn in a fiery mosh pit.’ Or something like that.
“So! You excited?” Axel asked, actually having the sense not to put his arm around Roxas again. Good job Axel, you have just won the right to keep that limb.
“No.”
“Aww, you should be! How could you go to this place and not love it?”
“I have my reasons.” Roxas was still seething.
Axel totally noticed this, and like any complete asshole would, called him upon it. “Y’know, you should stop being so pissed off all the time. You’ll get gray hairs.”
Roxas positively glared at him, almost tripping over a crack in the sidewalk in the process. “Why the hell do you think I’m pissed off!?” he yelled. He wished the café and the people eating at it weren’t suddenly in few. There were too many witnesses for his new KILL AXEL plan.
Axel shrugged with a grin, leading the blond into the café. That jerk. Of course he knew why Roxas was irritated with him. What an ass.
They walked into the café – well, Axel walked and Roxas scuffed his feet behind him, looking at the floor – and quickly found a table off to the side. On the plus side, it was in a dark corner and no one would be able to see them easily, which meant that there was a good chance Roxas could get through this without running into anyone he knew. On the minus side, it was in a dark corner and no one would be able to see them easily, which meant Axel might take that as initiative to get a little free with his hands.
Then again, Roxas did have a butter knife in his hands. Heh, heh, heh.
Before he could stab a pair of certain green eyes out, though, a server appeared and took their orders. Roxas didn’t even know what he blurted out – he knew the whole menu by heart – and Axel took his sweet ass time before finally making a selection. Roxas gripped the knife tighter.
“So when have you been here before?” Axel randomly asked.
“I’d prefer not to talk about it,” Roxas replied. Or think about it. Or even remember that this place was in his existence.
“Aw, too bad.” Axel winked, managing to look completely stupid. “Because if you don’t want to talk, there are certainly plenty of other uses for your mouth.”
“...Like eating!” Roxas had never been so glad to see a plate of food in front of him, and considering that he was a teenage boy...well, that was saying a lot. He dug into his meal with the intensity of a starved man, barely noticing when the lights of the café were dimmed. He nearly choked, however, when someone grabbed a mic and stood in the raised little performing area that was usually reserved for local bands and such. However...
“Tonight’s performer is an old favorite!” the announcer said, sounding totally giddy. “Please give a round of applause to Twilight Town’s very own...Misssssssss Roxanne!”
Roxas spit out his drink on Axel, himself, and the dude sitting a table away. He stood up, totally ready to leave, but Axel foiled his plans once again by grabbing his wrist and yanking him back down.
“Aw man, I love this guy!” he laughed, completely unaware of Roxas’s frantic eyes darting around the room. Maybe he could crawl under some tables and escape down the garbage shoot. Or just run through the windows and hope they were made of that sugar glass they used in movie stunts, but it would still be cool if they weren’t because anything would be better than this.
“Axel, can we go!?” he said, trying in vain to stand up again, but Axel’s grip had become like freaking iron.
“What?” It was impossible to hear anything over the roar of the crowd.
“CAN WE – ”
He stopped yelling when the performer – Miss Roxanne – stepped onto the platform, microphone in hand. With big blue eyes enhanced by layers of matching shadow, curly blond hair, and a sparkly outfit to die for, it was very easy to imagine that this person was not a drag queen.
Until he opened his mouth, that was. The voice was quite clearly deep and male, something no one seemed to care about since ‘Miss Roxanne’ had a very good singing voice. Definitely enough to impress the patrons at small town café, and more than enough to have him performing in places around the world with his wife and young son before finally settling down in said small town.
He was fuming. No wonder Axel had wanted to go down to the café tonight – he must have known that his father was going to be performing tonight.
Roxas managed to wrench his wrist from Axel’s and stood up, unfortunately misplacing his foot and stepping on the tablecloth to his table, dumping his and Axel’s dinner on him with a loud crash.
Then the world stopped.
At least that’s what it felt like. The crash had been so loud that the music stopped, the singing stopped, the clinking of glasses at the bar stopped, even the freaking crickets had stopped.
Axel was the first one to make any noise. He burst out laughing and helped Roxas up at the exact moment a spotlight shone on the two of them. Roxas froze, his eyes wide.
Miss Roxanne widened his/her eyes and gasped happily. “Well, look at that everyone!” he/she cried into the microphone. “My son finally has a boyfriend!”
As everyone in the café – the freaking world - made cooing noises, Roxas did the only thing he could do in this kind of situation: he grabbed a nearby candle, set a tablecloth on fire, and turned to run far, faaaaar away. Like maybe to the Underworld. Even Hades himself would be better than dealing with his drag queen father thinking he was gay for a flaming fruitcake.
He assumed Axel had stayed behind to put the fire out – or maybe drool at it – because nobody followed him home for once. He stomped up the stairs, glad that his mother wasn’t around, and went to his room, slamming the door and flopping himself down on the bed.
He contemplated on turning on some loud, screaming music, but getting up required effort. He had never been so...so...embarrassed and infuriated at once. Half of the freaking town went to Twi Café in the evenings! People would be stopping him on the streets asking when he turned gay! And after the month was over and he got Axel out of his life forever, people would be trying to hook him up with guys! He didn’t even like guys! HE LIKED BOOBS! BOOOOOOBS!
Roxas had no idea how long he was lying there, drowning in his own emo misery, but eventually he heard the front door slam, indicating that his father had come home from his performance. After another few minutes, there was a knock at his door. He thought about nailing his door shut, but again...effort.
“Come in,” he said weakly.
His father swung the door open. He’d taken off the wig, but was still wearing the makeup and the sequined dress. “Your mother told me what’s been going on,” he said.
“Uh...”
He sat on the bed next to Roxas’s feet. “And I have some advice.”
Roxas sat up a little. Well, this might actually be helpful. His father was a lot more...here than his mother, at least brain-wise. “What?”
“Use a condom.”
“...GAHHHHHHHHH.”
Axel’s Current Likeability (on a scale of 1 -10): Negative 20
-- -- --
lololol, shoot me. *ded*
Poor Roxas. *patpat* There, there. It'll get...uhhh...better. Maybe. Not really. *shifty eyes*
I am too blarg for witty commentary, so woo~ \o/
LYKE OMG, MOAR FANART FROMkeep_try, WHERE THE EPIC WILL MAKE YOU IMPLODE!
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Comments are love, as always. ♥
For more of my stuff, check this out! You know you wanna. xD
RainbowSerenity
SO THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR A FIC, LOLOL.
And one that's not Clack. GOOD GODDESS ABOVE.
One of these days I'll write a KH fic that doesn't involve this particular...fic, nyar har har.
ANYWAY.
Title: Thirty Dates
Author:
rainbowserenityWritten for:
30_datesFandom: Kingdom Hearts
Pairing: Axel/Roxas
Theme: 2 - Café
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Squeenix owns my soul.
FF.net link
Summary: Café Twi was supposed to be nothing more than a fun place to hang out at. All Roxas wanted to do was run far, far away from it. Too bad Axel still has that no-ice-cream-or-else rule implanted. CURSES.
A/N: I take no responsibility for any brain implosions Roxas' father might cause. ;P
Thursday, July 5
There was seriously no point in keeping a flower shop open in the summer, Roxas thought with a sigh as he hosed some ferns. All plants did was attract bugs. Not that there were many bugs in a town like Twilight Town, but still. Roxas didn’t want anything crawling up his arm and maybe hatching something in his ear, like the spider in that one urban legend that always gave him nightmares.
He shook his head. His mind was even less into flower keeping than usual today. Something about the...date with Axel last night had messed with him, even more so than usual. It, like...made him unsure. Although as an average student, he was pretty unsure about most things, but one thing that had always made sense was that he hated Axel’s guts.
Why was it so hard for him to work up that hatred today?
Roxas frowned and grunted before chucking the hose he’d been carrying, narrowly missing some ceramic pots. It was probably just because he hadn’t seen the redhead yet, that was all. Axel usually pissed him off on sight. Once he saw him, all would be right in his dull little teenage boy world.
...Wait, did that mean he was actually looking forward to seeing Axel!? No way! His brain had betrayed him again!
With another grunt, Roxas made his way to the front of the shop, barely batting an eye when he saw Marluxia schmoozing with (or more likely flirting with) some male customer. Marly and said customer soon walked into the greenhouse out back talking about…flowers. Yeah. Probably. Because it was all about the freaking flowers.
Well, at least now with Marluxia out of the way, Roxas could goof off for a bit. He went to the computer and idly started a game of solitaire, hoping that just for once in his life, he could win. Usually he sucked horribly at default computer games. Let’s not even get into minesweeper. He was technically still supposed to be paying for this new monitor.
After ten minutes in which he was dangerously close to having to pay for another one, the happy-happy jingly little bell on the door tinkled, signaling someone had come in. Roxas hurriedly closed out solitaire and was met with bright green eyes inches from his face.
“GAHHHH!” he yelled, nearly toppling over backwards. “What the hell!? Are you a freaking ninja or something?”
Axel brightened. “I wish. That’d be awesome.” He randomly plunked a Styrofoam cup of...something on the counter. “For you.”
Roxas frowned, hesitant to touch it in case it had some sort of weird Axel germ that would stick the two of them together forever. Ew. “What is it?”
“A milkshake!” Axel grinned. “I said yesterday I’d bring you one, but Demyx called me before I left and I got distracted.”
“Oh yeah.” Roxas was still frowning. “So why’d you bring it now?”
“What, I’m not allowed to do something nice once in awhile?” Axel, in turn, was still grinning. Not that he wasn’t always grinning about Roxas, but something about his expression was more suspicious than normal. Although really, when it came to Axel, it was good think of everything he did as suspicious. “And I came to ask you if you wanted to go to Café Twi tonight. For our date, I mean.” Axel nudged the cup closer to Roxas. “Have you ever been there?”
“Yes,” Roxas replied with so much venom in his voice that it was amazing all of the flowers surrounding him didn’t immediately wilt and die at the word. Axel was about to ask what the hell was up with that when Roxas continued, “I’ll go, I guess. It’s not like I have a choice.” Besides, he was quickly finding out that trying to get out of these...dates only ended in more disaster. Maybe if he just rolled with it, the twenty-ninth would come faster.
“Great!” Axel grinned some more, that happy freak. “Now how about some shake?”
Roxas grabbed the cup and stared at it, like he was afraid it was going to jump up and eat him. He raised the straw to his lips. “What flavor is it?” Not that it mattered, of course, he was down with almost any kind of milkshake. Mmmmyes.
“...Paopu flavored.”
Roxas let out a scream that would’ve made Tarzan jealous and chucked the cup across the room with so much force that it was truly a wonder it hadn’t made a hole in the wall. Instead, the Styrofoam just bounced off of the wall with a thwack and the lid came off, spewing yellow all over a bunch of peonies.
“That got some distaaaance,” Axel said, whistling appreciatively.
The blond was not amused. “What the hell were you trying to do!?”
“I...didn’t think you knew the legend?” The redhead’s words sounded more like a question than anything.
“Of course I do! Everyone knows that stupid legend!” Roxas stomped across the store and turned on a hose, hoping to rinse away the milkshake goop before Marluxia came out here to see what all the fuss was about. “Get it through your stupid, thick skull that the last thing I want is for my destiny to intertwine with yours!”
Axel shrugged, looking unaffected as always. “It was worth a shot.”
Roxas wanted to blow out the freaking universe’s eardrums screaming!!! Instead, he calmly turned to face Axel and quickly put his thumb over the hose, turning it into a deadly spray of doom, and aimed it towards the redhead.
Axel put his hands up and tried to escape the water to no avail. “Roxas!” he cried, flailing around like the fruitcake he was. “S-Stop it! BLURRRRG!”
Oh, please. Like he was going to stop. Where was the fun in that?
...Well, until your boss came out from the greenhouse, looking more pissed off that he had, oh, three days ago at a certain young redhead.
“What the hell is going on here!?” Marluxia yelled. Roxas immediately stopped the hose and pointed at Axel.
“He did it.”
Marly snarled and turned to Axel, whose eyes had gotten so wide that it was amazing they hadn’t popped out of his head and rolled right on out the door like meatballs. Marluxia grabbed a ceramic pot and hurled it towards the redhead. “OUT OF MY STORE!” he yelled. The pot shattered at his feet with a deafening noise, and Roxas wondered for a moment what the harassment laws in Twilight Town were.
Wait – why was his brain once again automatically trying to defend Axel!? IT WAS AGAINST HIM! CONSPIRACY! He shook his head vigorously, trying to get the little pro-Axel being out of his brain and just looked at Marluxia, who was still yelling.
Axel finally got a clue – for once in his life – and hightailed it out of there. The two left in the flower shop just stared at the pieces of the broken pot for a moment before Marluxia got a broom and began to sweep. Roxas just stood there, looking as though steam was about to spew out of his ears at any moment.
Marluxia frowned. “What?”
“YOU FORGOT TO BAN HIM AGAIN!”
“...Crap!”
--
Roxas was still angry when he clocked out for the day, still angry when he got home, still angry when he ate half a bag of potato chips in front of the TV, and still angry when he put on some normal clothes for the...date tonight. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d suddenly been admitted into the dictionary for ‘ANGER’ at this rate. It would have a picture of him completely bald because he’d be tearing his hair out like mad. Maybe he could auction it off the internet. But then again, who would buy his hair?
He heaved a sigh like Hurricane Bob and slapped on his favorite checkered wristband. He hoped this night would go faster if he just went with it, considering he knew the patrons of Café Twi quite well. Maybe none of them would be working tonight and he could get out of there without any damage done to his brain.
...Yeah, and maybe that meteor would finally fall on Axel.
He trudged downstairs after he got dressed like he was going out for community service instead of a...date. Well, considering it was Axel, it pretty much was community service. The redhead had to be some kind of delinquent, with what having freaky tattoos on his freaky face and buying fireworks illegally and getting milkshakes splattered all over a store like brains in a zombie movie.
To his surprise, his mother was actually up and out of her Zen Den, puttering around the kitchen and making tea. She smiled a little at Roxas when he came into the room. “Have a date with your boyfriend tonight?”
Snap. The top of the wooden chair Roxas had been holding onto cracked under his fist of fury.
His mom stirred some sugar into her tea. “Oh, dear,” she said, not sounding the least bit concerned. “I liked that chair.”
“HE. IS. NOT. MY. BOYFRIEND.” And there was that anger, back tenfold.
“Just remember to wear a condom.”
“WHY WOULD I DO THAT!?”
She shrugged. “I like condom-free sex as much as the next person, but sometimes they’re necessary. And don’t forget, you can still get diseases during foreplay too – ”
“MOM!” Roxas yelled, breaking the top of the chair some more. That thing was just going to be a stool at this rate. “AXEL IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND! HE’S JUST AN IDIOT I’M FORCED TO BE AROUND FOR THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR DAYS! I HOPE HE FALLS INTO A GARBAGE DISPOSAL!”
His mom was still talking like the conversation was about the freaking weather. “Now, dear, I’m aware of the mechanics of lovemaking between two males, so if you need any help – ”
“AHHHH!” Roxas was ready for a full-fledged temper tantrum when the doorbell rang. He immediately raced for it since anything would be better than his mother’s ‘advice’, even if it was death at his door.
“Hey, Roxas!”
Or Axel. Close enough.
The blond’s shoulders slumped so much it was a wonder he didn’t fall over. “Axel.”
Axel was grinning like a loon, as usual. Honestly, when was he ever not looking completely creepy and stalker-y? “Ready to go?”
“No.” He turned to yell towards the general vicinity of the kitchen. “MOM! I’M LEAVING!”
She magically appeared – maybe she’d finally learned to teleport or levitate or whatever it was all that meditating she did was supposed to do – and smiled at the two of them. Roxas just frowned. Since when did his mom care about his...uh...social life?
“Oh? Where are you boys off to?” She sounded way too innocent, like she hadn’t been talking about buttsex only seconds before. Roxas shuddered.
“We’re off to Café Twi!” Axel said gaily (duh). He swung an arm around Roxas’ shoulders, who pushed it off like it was made of some kind of burning-poison-doom-thing.
“Café Twi?” She cocked her head at Roxas, looking a bit more confused than normal. “Are you sure, honey?”
“I kind of have to,” he muttered. If he denied Axel this date, he’d never hear the end of it. And it would be the end of ice cream. NOOOOO.
“But...”
“Yeah, anyway, we’ve gotta go, bye,” he said in one big rush, fleeing out the door. He didn’t want his mother to talk about penises in front of Axel, or the redhead might get some ideas involving lube and condoms and spit and oh geez, why was he even thinking this at all!?!
He heard Axel said goodbye to his mother and quickly catch up to him, unfortunately not running into any poles or getting hit by cars or stray baseballs. Nope, it was just Axel in all of his freaky glory, gaying up his life.
How weird. ‘Gay’ meant ‘happy’ and yet he was the poster child for ‘angry.’ Or maybe ‘pissed off blond kid that wanted this extra redheaded appendage to go the hell away and burn in a fiery mosh pit.’ Or something like that.
“So! You excited?” Axel asked, actually having the sense not to put his arm around Roxas again. Good job Axel, you have just won the right to keep that limb.
“No.”
“Aww, you should be! How could you go to this place and not love it?”
“I have my reasons.” Roxas was still seething.
Axel totally noticed this, and like any complete asshole would, called him upon it. “Y’know, you should stop being so pissed off all the time. You’ll get gray hairs.”
Roxas positively glared at him, almost tripping over a crack in the sidewalk in the process. “Why the hell do you think I’m pissed off!?” he yelled. He wished the café and the people eating at it weren’t suddenly in few. There were too many witnesses for his new KILL AXEL plan.
Axel shrugged with a grin, leading the blond into the café. That jerk. Of course he knew why Roxas was irritated with him. What an ass.
They walked into the café – well, Axel walked and Roxas scuffed his feet behind him, looking at the floor – and quickly found a table off to the side. On the plus side, it was in a dark corner and no one would be able to see them easily, which meant that there was a good chance Roxas could get through this without running into anyone he knew. On the minus side, it was in a dark corner and no one would be able to see them easily, which meant Axel might take that as initiative to get a little free with his hands.
Then again, Roxas did have a butter knife in his hands. Heh, heh, heh.
Before he could stab a pair of certain green eyes out, though, a server appeared and took their orders. Roxas didn’t even know what he blurted out – he knew the whole menu by heart – and Axel took his sweet ass time before finally making a selection. Roxas gripped the knife tighter.
“So when have you been here before?” Axel randomly asked.
“I’d prefer not to talk about it,” Roxas replied. Or think about it. Or even remember that this place was in his existence.
“Aw, too bad.” Axel winked, managing to look completely stupid. “Because if you don’t want to talk, there are certainly plenty of other uses for your mouth.”
“...Like eating!” Roxas had never been so glad to see a plate of food in front of him, and considering that he was a teenage boy...well, that was saying a lot. He dug into his meal with the intensity of a starved man, barely noticing when the lights of the café were dimmed. He nearly choked, however, when someone grabbed a mic and stood in the raised little performing area that was usually reserved for local bands and such. However...
“Tonight’s performer is an old favorite!” the announcer said, sounding totally giddy. “Please give a round of applause to Twilight Town’s very own...Misssssssss Roxanne!”
Roxas spit out his drink on Axel, himself, and the dude sitting a table away. He stood up, totally ready to leave, but Axel foiled his plans once again by grabbing his wrist and yanking him back down.
“Aw man, I love this guy!” he laughed, completely unaware of Roxas’s frantic eyes darting around the room. Maybe he could crawl under some tables and escape down the garbage shoot. Or just run through the windows and hope they were made of that sugar glass they used in movie stunts, but it would still be cool if they weren’t because anything would be better than this.
“Axel, can we go!?” he said, trying in vain to stand up again, but Axel’s grip had become like freaking iron.
“What?” It was impossible to hear anything over the roar of the crowd.
“CAN WE – ”
He stopped yelling when the performer – Miss Roxanne – stepped onto the platform, microphone in hand. With big blue eyes enhanced by layers of matching shadow, curly blond hair, and a sparkly outfit to die for, it was very easy to imagine that this person was not a drag queen.
Until he opened his mouth, that was. The voice was quite clearly deep and male, something no one seemed to care about since ‘Miss Roxanne’ had a very good singing voice. Definitely enough to impress the patrons at small town café, and more than enough to have him performing in places around the world with his wife and young son before finally settling down in said small town.
He was fuming. No wonder Axel had wanted to go down to the café tonight – he must have known that his father was going to be performing tonight.
Roxas managed to wrench his wrist from Axel’s and stood up, unfortunately misplacing his foot and stepping on the tablecloth to his table, dumping his and Axel’s dinner on him with a loud crash.
Then the world stopped.
At least that’s what it felt like. The crash had been so loud that the music stopped, the singing stopped, the clinking of glasses at the bar stopped, even the freaking crickets had stopped.
Axel was the first one to make any noise. He burst out laughing and helped Roxas up at the exact moment a spotlight shone on the two of them. Roxas froze, his eyes wide.
Miss Roxanne widened his/her eyes and gasped happily. “Well, look at that everyone!” he/she cried into the microphone. “My son finally has a boyfriend!”
As everyone in the café – the freaking world - made cooing noises, Roxas did the only thing he could do in this kind of situation: he grabbed a nearby candle, set a tablecloth on fire, and turned to run far, faaaaar away. Like maybe to the Underworld. Even Hades himself would be better than dealing with his drag queen father thinking he was gay for a flaming fruitcake.
He assumed Axel had stayed behind to put the fire out – or maybe drool at it – because nobody followed him home for once. He stomped up the stairs, glad that his mother wasn’t around, and went to his room, slamming the door and flopping himself down on the bed.
He contemplated on turning on some loud, screaming music, but getting up required effort. He had never been so...so...embarrassed and infuriated at once. Half of the freaking town went to Twi Café in the evenings! People would be stopping him on the streets asking when he turned gay! And after the month was over and he got Axel out of his life forever, people would be trying to hook him up with guys! He didn’t even like guys! HE LIKED BOOBS! BOOOOOOBS!
Roxas had no idea how long he was lying there, drowning in his own emo misery, but eventually he heard the front door slam, indicating that his father had come home from his performance. After another few minutes, there was a knock at his door. He thought about nailing his door shut, but again...effort.
“Come in,” he said weakly.
His father swung the door open. He’d taken off the wig, but was still wearing the makeup and the sequined dress. “Your mother told me what’s been going on,” he said.
“Uh...”
He sat on the bed next to Roxas’s feet. “And I have some advice.”
Roxas sat up a little. Well, this might actually be helpful. His father was a lot more...here than his mother, at least brain-wise. “What?”
“Use a condom.”
“...GAHHHHHHHHH.”
Axel’s Current Likeability (on a scale of 1 -10): Negative 20
-- -- --
lololol, shoot me. *ded*
Poor Roxas. *patpat* There, there. It'll get...uhhh...better. Maybe. Not really. *shifty eyes*
I am too blarg for witty commentary, so woo~ \o/
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